1.my head is full of sentences
2.they need injecting with words I can't find
3.I am in a world where believing means everything
4.I am single-handedly experiencing
5.the most important and inconstant time in my life
6.that I created by believing it was possible
7.I have no home to call my own
8.I wander from town to town
9.with a freedom known by few
10.(yet still I insist on clinging desperately to my insecurities)
11.(still I continue to believe in everything but myself)
12.I spent my 28th birthday in the middle of the Australian outback
13.lost and alone and smirking at the irony
14.when a new decade unfolded I found myself in Sydney
15.watching the Harbour Bridge explode with lights
16.puzzled how my decade could really begin
17.11 hours before my friends back home
18.I am unsure how I am growing
19.I don't that feel I am changing
20.but I am learning aspects of myself I would rather ignore
21.I wish I was more laid-back
22.I am obsessed with being on time
23.I cannot remove clouds of negativity in acres of blue sky
24.however hard I blow at the wind
25.in 2008 I let go of my romantic fascination with falling in love
26.I was strong and independent alone
27.but I know what I want now
28.and I still look for a boy who can live in his dreams
29.(with no need to expel mine)
30.who is waiting as impatiently to meet me
31.as I am to meet him
32.if only the universe would hint of the direction we must walk
33.to find each other
34.but I'll walk on my own for now
35.I try to share the tightrope
36.but people make me restless
37.I think it's because they fit somehow
38.where I don't
39.i'm envious of this too often
40.and this is an uncomfortable place to be
41.a long time ago I used to scratch my skin real hard
42.just to make them go away
43.but mostly now I just run away
44.and start again
45.with people who don't yet know my nature
46.it' s all about learning the art of smiling
47.and believing in the impossible
48.hard enough
49.to make it a reality
50.like I made this a reality
51.I am still unsure why my path has led me here
52.and sometimes I have to close my eyes real tight to believe its real
53.when I open them I still see beautiful beaches stretching for miles
54.sun drenched skies melting with colour
55.I have seen the sun rise and set over the ocean
56.I have danced in the sand at midnight with new friends and boxes of wine
57.singing “tiny dancer” at the top of our voices
58.I have allowed boys with dreadlocks to enchant me
59.and irish ones to fool me
60.I have swum in water holes perfected by nature
61.I am writing this in the spot where they film my favourite childhood tv show
62.surreal realities are hard to digest
63.I am living in a bubble
64.I am trying hard to not let it pop
65.I am only 5 months into my journey
66.and I am excited that time is creeping slowly
67.yet despite this, I am apprehensive about 2010
68.I have no sense of what direction I should be going
69.I haven't yet painted a blank canvas
70.2009 shook my world and emptied out it's pieces
71.the consequences of this are still uncertain
72.I know there are memories I need to let go of
73.a crooked toothed boy I am still not ready to forget
74.(despite his death being 6 years gone)
75.I know unless I stop talking to his memory at 3am
76.I will never move on
77.I know I must stop chasing my tail falling for boys as lost as he was
78.or I will be forever pushing the rest away
79.I hope 2010 changes this
80.hope is underrated by me too often
81.i'm trying hard not to let it slip through my hands
82.I am going to become more conscious of hope
83.and stop telling everyone I will never find someone
84.and believe it
85.I'll stop telling boys they don't want me
86.because it makes them believe this too
87.I must accept that I am never going to be like others
88.I am most definitely at a crossroads right now
89.all the paths lay paved with temptations
90.I am considering emigrating to Australia permanently
92.I have left my heart in Darwin and I need to get it back
92.I do not miss the UK, despite it being coated in snow
93.I wish I could be a nomad
94.and travel the world until I am done
95.I no longer miss material belongings
96.(although I desperately miss British comedy)
97.I enjoy fitting my life inside a rucksack
98. I am the most self obsessed person i know
99.and this terrifies me
100.but this girl can only carry on hoping
101.hoping to be someone who believes
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